I truly don’t mean to be vain or anything, but I feel pretty today. It isn’t an everyday thing by any means, so I’m kinda excited! I actually tried today, for one thing. I put on a skirt, tucked in my top, and EVEN (this is a big thing for me) put on lipstick and mascara. Now, if you know me at all, you know two things about my makeup “routine”: 1) not a fan of makeup in general and 2) if I wear makeup, it’s going to include lipstick. My lipstick collection hasn’t been counted, but I’m sure I have at least a few dozen colors :O
But today, it happened. This is big. Sure, the makeup and my high, slightly wavy ponytail helped me feel pretty. The real kicker though is that this was despite the fact that I’m currently at the *heaviest I’ve ever weighed (I feel the eye rolls coming). But I’m incredibly self-conscious and self-critical and I judge my appearances very harshly. It takes a lot for me to feel pretty or even decent-looking. So the fact that I feel pretty is a fairly big accomplishment for me. Maybe this is the dose of reality that I’m not ugly or unattractive. Maybe this is my mother’s birthday wish come true–that I will finally “try.” 🙂 Whatever happens as a result of this, even if nothing changes (the most likely outcome), I’ll still remember this feeling of feeling pretty. And THAT is a good day.
*fact: Haiti is making me gain weight rather than lose it. I thought I’d be losing it like crazy (and, therefore, in my twisted and warped perception of myself, I thought I’d be skinny and therefore pretty) but between the starches, oils, and butter (Paula Deen ain’t got nothing on Haitian cooking) and my lessened exercise and general physical activity here, I’ve gained weight like nobody’s business. And thus begins my mission to lose weight…*